Well, That Didn’t Go as Planned
I never really know how to begin posts like these. Not that I write them often, which is probably why I struggle with introductions. I guess maybe that’s where I should start. An introduction.
My name is Anna and I’m 23 years old in the sense that I was born in 1995, but I’m actually 100 years old on the inside. I began this blog in 2015 (then named Everyday Anna, later on Alive with Anna, and now My Perkspective). With each name change reflecting a change in my lifestyle, a lot’s changed in the last three years!
I started the blog in 2015 partially in response to something bad that happened to me. I won’t go into details, but something out of my control really shook my life up, and this blog served as a creative outlet and something I could make entirely my own. I shared lifestyle tips along the lines of productivity, positivity, and healthy living, and it helped me to cope with what I was going through at the time.
In 2016 I was getting back to being myself, and my confidence was at a high. I wanted to share my awakened interest in fashion, beauty, and continuing with tips for leading a happy life. Looking in on things from the outside, the transition between “Everyday Anna” to “Alive with Anna” was huge, and seen in every aspect, including the name change. I wasn’t being just another, everyday Anna that was coping with crap, I was alive again. I posted frequently, vibrantly, and my blog saw the most growth its ever seen during this phase.
But, in mid-late 2017 I hit a rut again, as life tends to do us who are lucky enough to live long enough for it to. I was struggling with finding ‘myself’ (as every newly graduated 22 year old does). Alive with Anna, in my eyes, lost its spark and appeal. I was too broke paying $900 a month for rent to buy new clothes to create content with. I felt this pressure to portray online that everything in my life was perfect all the time, and it was becoming super depressing.
In addition to that, I didn’t care about the clothes anymore, at least not as much as I had in the past. In my mind, someone else on Instagram could put together some decent outfit inspiration better than I could and honestly, I didn’t find it rewarding to post about it anymore. I didn’t give two sh*ts writing about the Annual Nordstrom sale, or how to wear white after Labor Day. (Disclaimer, there’s nothing wrong with this if you do care. It just lost its appeal for me)
So jumping a few months and a series of slightly unfortunate, yet absolutely life changing events later, in January 2018 I decided I was going to move to Europe. I wasn’t quite sure how, but something inside me told me to just ‘go with it’ and it would come together. Jump to May 30th, 2018, (skipping over the months of planning, saving, panicking…) I handed my passport over to the British officials and got my very first stamp. I spent the summer collecting memories faster than the camera on my phone could record them. I met amazing people, ate the best food of my life, and saw things I’d daydreamed about for years. All of this in such a short period of time changed me. I saw the world differently, and I saw my life differently. I wanted to continue to create content, but the style of my posts from before didn’t feel like they were coming from my voice anymore.
Anyways, it was in August that I settled down and settled in to my new job as an Au Pair. For those unfamiliar with the term, its essentially a foreign, live-in babysitter. You (*are supposed to) work about 30 hours a week, making 300 Euros per month, but room and board in included in your stay. I chose this position in order to experience Germany long term and learn the culture first hand. I planned to stay from August until May of next year.
Fast forward to today, and the main reason I’m writing this, is to say that for various reasons that took months to expose, it didn’t work out. Obviously, there’s a family involved so specific details will need to be spared out of respect for them, especially as this is still fairly new.
The Universe works in sometimes mysterious ways. What seemed to be the simple, golden ticket to a life-changing year abroad, has definitely at least delivered on the ‘life-changing’ aspect. I guess I can only really see it as this: Its not always the case that we are so graciously given the opportunity to recreate the path our life is taking. Sure, things didn’t/aren’t going as originally planned and last minute arrangements have had to be made. I was also graciously relieved of almost every ounce of pride I have, and yet, somehow hope for a different, better future still remains.
And by this I mean, that even though my world turned upside down these last few weeks, deep down I know that things are conspiring in my long-term favor. I haven’t been able to write for months, and within the last few days I’ve somehow come up with pages upon pages of words. While I may not know what tomorrow brings, what my life will look like next week, or even next month, I keep finding an overwhelming peace that reminds me that I’m in good hands.
A big, sincere thank you to all who have and who continue to support me throughout this journey. The kindness, generosity, and love I’ve experienced these last few weeks truly astonishes me, and it fills my heart with so much gratitude. People’s true colors come out when sh*t hits the fan, and I can say whole heartedly that the rainbow of people surrounding me overpower the grey, every single day. I’m a lucky gal!
I’m still living in Germany, and plan to find a way to stay. I’m stubborn like that, but I also have a personal history of not taking the easiest route in life. (Keepin’ things interesting, ya know)
After all I’ve been through here so far, I’m going to have LOTS on my knowledge as far as all things au pair, visa processes, German language, and creating relationships abroad, so expect to see more posts along those lines in the near future. If you have any burning questions about blogging, travel, au pair or you’re just a like minded individual wanting to exchange stories, send me and email or a DM on Instagram. Community is the only way you’re going to get through this, no matter how independent you try to be.
Talk soon xx